I sit here at my computer wanting to write about something but I don't really know what to say. I guess I can write about my friends and just be thankful for what the Lord has blessed me with. I am so thankful for the friends that I have. I know I've said that before but I just can't get over how meaningful they are to me. I want to be there for them and I know that I am. I just enjoy doing that for them. You have to show that to each person in their own way. For one person if maybe be talking to them to make sure that they get home, while for another person it may be making sure that they are getting enough sleep, you know who you are.. But that's what I'm here for. Some of it consists of self sacrifice while on the other hand its just taking the time to caring for them. I find it easier to care for my guy friends, they have nothing to hide and they seem to appreciate the time you put into it. Every relationship takes time. With girls it is a little different, they seem to have rules or hidden expectations. Girls will tell you that there are not "rules" but there are, there always are rules. The thing is, guys are usually dumb, like we don't always read what is going on. It goes both ways though.
A girl told me that I didn't greet her like I did another girl. There's a rule, greet every girl the same, no matter if you know the girl or not. But then it depends on the girl and her own rules..
Every person is different so you have to do what they call in sales, "mirror matching," give the person what you know they want.. But then if you give the person (girl) what you think she wants you end up leading that person on.. I've done that in the past, I thought that I was giving the girl the type of effection that she wanted but I wasn't willing to go the whole way (because she liked me). I liked her too but not the way that she liked me.. That's where honesty comes in. I used to have two rules to dating, number one: Honesty is the best policy, and number two: communication is the key. That's back when I believed in dating. I am no longer a believer in that sense. If you don't know the girl very well then you probably don't know her well enough to "date" her.
Definitions: What is the definition of dating? Well, according to Merriam-Webster, a date is, "a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character." Romance... That's a different topic of discussion but it still relates. I am all for social engagements, that's basically what has given me something to look forward to. I am a human male, so I've always looked forward to social engagements where females would be present, is that such a bad thing? Well, its not a bad thing but one should focus on the building of relationships, not the building of romance. Romance comes with time but when that is the whole reason of your engagement things can become empty very quickly.
I am not anti-dating, I'm anti-dating soley for romantic purposes. Does that makes sense? I once confessed my feelings for a girl and she told me that things would never work out, not exactly what a guy wants to hear... It was at that point that I realized that I had jumped past the whole relationship part and went right for the romance. That's where you have to back up a bit and re-evaluate your reasons for pursing someone. Are you pursing them for romantic reasons or are you pursing them because you care about them and want what is best for them. If you want what is best for them then you should not even include yourself in the picture. That's when they have the choice to include you in the picture.
I used to have this saying, "friends first" when I was dating someone. But that doesn't really work, if you aren't even friends before you start dating then you've skipped right into the romance part of it. So my saying of "friends first" was more like saying "acquatiences first" because that's all you really are after the dating part doesn't work.. I have a bunch of ex girlfriends that are basically just acquatiences. I am not a part of their lifes now because I wasn't really a part of their life before we started our "relationship."
So that brings up an important question, what is a friend? How can you really classify someone as a friend? I have over six hundred "friends" on facebook but how many of them are truely friends?? I can think of a couple of the people that I would consider true friends that I don't talk to anymore, but most of them are just acquatiences. To be a true friend you have to spend time building that friendship. Time, it all seems to come back to time..
I have found that it is best to not expect things of my friends. I do not expect them to call me, they will call me when they want to talk or need something. If all I did was wait for my friends to call I would be waiting for a long time.. Longer for some then for others.. But when I don't expect them to call me, then I have a chance to be excited when that happens! That is one of the things I get the most joy out of, getting a phone call. I remember a time, long before cell phones when I would be at home and the phone would ring, then mom or dad would say, "Travis, its for you." What a job to receive a phone call!! I still get that same type of joy every time my phone rings and I think, "Oh, its for me!!"
Anyway, what have I put into words?
All relationships take time.
Don't "date" unless you really know the person.
If you really know the person then you must be true friends.
Don't expect anything from your friends, just care for them.
I like it when my friends call me.
I guess that's what was on my mind, Happy Valentines Day!!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Earthly Father vs. Heavenly Father
I know I just posted a blog last night but I wanted to talk about something I've talked to my friends about, its my relationship with my dad and how it relates to my relationship to the God the Father. Last week I spent some time at my parents house up in Roseau, it was what I guess I really needed to reassure myself.
What I mean by that is I'm a "words or affirmation" sort of guy so if I am not hearing words of encouragement from people that I hold so dear then my mind begins to question how people really feel. I know that I've talked about my relationship with my dad before and how he told me that he loved me and how that meant so much to me, well it was nice spending time with him for a couple of days. I talk to my dad a couple of times a week and or family is very open but sometimes it seems like we don't talk about anything beyond the day to day things. But spending time with my dad showed me that we could talk about anything, its just that I have to bring it up first.
So when I'm with my dad we are just doing things together and we are just being and doing, we aren't exactly talking about things or sharing our emotions. Well, my relationship with my earthly father is similar to the relationship I share with my Heavenly Father, I'll explain. Like when I'm with my dad we can talk about anything I just have to bring it up, my dad isn't a mind reader, and then when I'm with my Heavenly Father, we can talk about anything, I just have to bring it up. So that is exactly the same there. Also, my dad loves me and he shows me that love by the things that he does. My dad is a "quality time" sort of guy, he is so busy doing everything but he makes time to do things with the people that he really cares about.
Knowing that, I need to be able to accept the way that he shows me love, not the way that I feel I should be loved. I have to understand that when dad takes time out of his busy life to do something with me, that is how he is showing me his love. God, on the other hand, is there waiting for me. He is omnipresent, he has all the time in the world for me, I just have to be able to accept that. If I can learn to feel loved through spending quality time, then I will be able to understand that God truely loves me and is willing to spend eternity with me!!
What I mean by that is I'm a "words or affirmation" sort of guy so if I am not hearing words of encouragement from people that I hold so dear then my mind begins to question how people really feel. I know that I've talked about my relationship with my dad before and how he told me that he loved me and how that meant so much to me, well it was nice spending time with him for a couple of days. I talk to my dad a couple of times a week and or family is very open but sometimes it seems like we don't talk about anything beyond the day to day things. But spending time with my dad showed me that we could talk about anything, its just that I have to bring it up first.
So when I'm with my dad we are just doing things together and we are just being and doing, we aren't exactly talking about things or sharing our emotions. Well, my relationship with my earthly father is similar to the relationship I share with my Heavenly Father, I'll explain. Like when I'm with my dad we can talk about anything I just have to bring it up, my dad isn't a mind reader, and then when I'm with my Heavenly Father, we can talk about anything, I just have to bring it up. So that is exactly the same there. Also, my dad loves me and he shows me that love by the things that he does. My dad is a "quality time" sort of guy, he is so busy doing everything but he makes time to do things with the people that he really cares about.
Knowing that, I need to be able to accept the way that he shows me love, not the way that I feel I should be loved. I have to understand that when dad takes time out of his busy life to do something with me, that is how he is showing me his love. God, on the other hand, is there waiting for me. He is omnipresent, he has all the time in the world for me, I just have to be able to accept that. If I can learn to feel loved through spending quality time, then I will be able to understand that God truely loves me and is willing to spend eternity with me!!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Who is she?
I just got back from an awesome ski trip that I went on with some of my closest friends. I had an awesome time!! I told one of my friends that I have no idea where I would be without such good friends. I am so thankful for everything that I've been blessed with.
I am truely on God's time because I see things that other people have and am anxious for the time to come that I will have those things. I am not talking about wealth and the things of this world that so many people hold so closely, I am talking about the things that really matter. Sure, I will be thankful when God provides me with a job that I enjoy working, a job that I can give all the glory to Him but still feel fulfilled at the end of the day but that isn't really important in the grand scheme of things. The things that I feel are truely important are my family and the friendships that I share with other people.
The friendship that I am anxious to share is the one that I don't know has started yet. I see my friends, a newly engauged couple, and I am honored to share in their friendship together, but I am also anxious to have that type of frienship myself. In the past I have been in several relationships with girls where I thought that I was in it for the right reasons but now I have seen my friends and I see that they have something together that I have never had. They accept each other. I have thought of myself as an accepting person but now I see it on a whole different level. They are in love. My relationships never got far enough to be considered truely in love.
The friendships that I have shared with people over the past year have shown me what it really is to love someone. It starts by accepting them for who they are. Accepting them for what they have to offer and not longing for them to be someone or something that they are not. Who is that girl? The one who I will accept for who she is? Do I already know her? Whoever she is, I am anxious for the time when we will connect. When we will look into each others eyes and accept each other. But it will be so much more then that (I hope). I see my friends, I see how they are over joyed by the other persons company. They hold each other's heart in their hands but they care for each other more then they care for themselves. That's what the Bible says we ought to do for our mate, but to see it acted out helps make everything seem so much more believable.
I am glad that my past relationships ended as they did. There was one relationship where I could have married the girl but it would have been for all the wrong reasons. I want to marry for all the right reasons. God has shown me so much in the past year, I feel that I understand so much more about him and about myself, then I did before. I praise Him for showing me these things. And I praise Him for bringing me this far. I believe the reason I haven't had this type of relationship with anyone is because I have not been ready. I am still a work in progress.
I get attached to people too easily. My sister tells me that I try too hard. I need to just sit back a watch things as they unfold. Does that mean that I can't talk to people? I don't know what it means? If I'm sitting back and watching things as the unfold then why do I still get so lonley? Is that the devil talking when I start feeling sorry for myself? I guess that's another thing that God is showing me, why do I feel lonley if I still have Jesus? All relationships here on earth are temporary, the only relationship that I have that will never pass away is my relationship with God, he will never leave me and he accepts me for who I am!
Acceptance!! That is another thing that I have begun to come to grasps with!! God accepts me as a sinner and there is nothing I can do to "win" his favor back, I already have it!! I don't need anything in this life more then I need Him!! He is my friend and he is the one I can connect with on a level like no one else. He looks into my eyes and accepts me. He loves me and he has always been there waiting for me to accept Him back! He is the one that I've been waiting for my whole life. He thinks I'm funny and he appreciates my company! His relationship with me can be just like what I am seeing in my friends. I don't have to worry about what I look like when I see Him, he's just happy to see me or listen to me or spend time with me. He is my friend and it has taken me this long to understand that! Thank you God for being the one for me!!
I am truely on God's time because I see things that other people have and am anxious for the time to come that I will have those things. I am not talking about wealth and the things of this world that so many people hold so closely, I am talking about the things that really matter. Sure, I will be thankful when God provides me with a job that I enjoy working, a job that I can give all the glory to Him but still feel fulfilled at the end of the day but that isn't really important in the grand scheme of things. The things that I feel are truely important are my family and the friendships that I share with other people.
The friendship that I am anxious to share is the one that I don't know has started yet. I see my friends, a newly engauged couple, and I am honored to share in their friendship together, but I am also anxious to have that type of frienship myself. In the past I have been in several relationships with girls where I thought that I was in it for the right reasons but now I have seen my friends and I see that they have something together that I have never had. They accept each other. I have thought of myself as an accepting person but now I see it on a whole different level. They are in love. My relationships never got far enough to be considered truely in love.
The friendships that I have shared with people over the past year have shown me what it really is to love someone. It starts by accepting them for who they are. Accepting them for what they have to offer and not longing for them to be someone or something that they are not. Who is that girl? The one who I will accept for who she is? Do I already know her? Whoever she is, I am anxious for the time when we will connect. When we will look into each others eyes and accept each other. But it will be so much more then that (I hope). I see my friends, I see how they are over joyed by the other persons company. They hold each other's heart in their hands but they care for each other more then they care for themselves. That's what the Bible says we ought to do for our mate, but to see it acted out helps make everything seem so much more believable.
I am glad that my past relationships ended as they did. There was one relationship where I could have married the girl but it would have been for all the wrong reasons. I want to marry for all the right reasons. God has shown me so much in the past year, I feel that I understand so much more about him and about myself, then I did before. I praise Him for showing me these things. And I praise Him for bringing me this far. I believe the reason I haven't had this type of relationship with anyone is because I have not been ready. I am still a work in progress.
I get attached to people too easily. My sister tells me that I try too hard. I need to just sit back a watch things as they unfold. Does that mean that I can't talk to people? I don't know what it means? If I'm sitting back and watching things as the unfold then why do I still get so lonley? Is that the devil talking when I start feeling sorry for myself? I guess that's another thing that God is showing me, why do I feel lonley if I still have Jesus? All relationships here on earth are temporary, the only relationship that I have that will never pass away is my relationship with God, he will never leave me and he accepts me for who I am!
Acceptance!! That is another thing that I have begun to come to grasps with!! God accepts me as a sinner and there is nothing I can do to "win" his favor back, I already have it!! I don't need anything in this life more then I need Him!! He is my friend and he is the one I can connect with on a level like no one else. He looks into my eyes and accepts me. He loves me and he has always been there waiting for me to accept Him back! He is the one that I've been waiting for my whole life. He thinks I'm funny and he appreciates my company! His relationship with me can be just like what I am seeing in my friends. I don't have to worry about what I look like when I see Him, he's just happy to see me or listen to me or spend time with me. He is my friend and it has taken me this long to understand that! Thank you God for being the one for me!!
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