I am so blessed.. So blessed.

Change is in the air. I am nearing the end of my first year of a Masters program in Human Resources and Industrial Relations. When I began the program I had no idea what "Industrial Relations" meant.. It deals with Unions and Management, stuff like bargaining and representing the workers.. Stuff like that.

I will be spending the summer in Decatur, Alabama with 3M, so I'm pretty excited about that.

What else is new? Well, I'm a 1LT in the National Guard and that is going well. I am being challenged and I enjoy it. I will be able to fulfill my obligations with the National Guard even though I'll be 18 hours away in Alabama, so that will be good. 3M and the Military are both working with me so that is a blessing.

I am so thankful for everything that God has given me. I feel very blessed to have made it into Carlson School of Management, it is one of the best schools in the Nation! I feel very blessed that the Military is paying for more than 90% of my school costs. And I feel unbelievably thankful that I was offered an internship with 3M. This is better then I would have ever hoped. And for more than 8 months I have been very blessed to be a part of my girlfriend's life. Thanks Anne, for everything.

Speaking of God, I became a Catholic on Easter. I'm learning a lot about my new faith and feel very "blessed" by my relationship with Jesus Christ.

Well, its late and I need to get to bed. I have another very busy day ahead of me.. I think I might go for a run in the morning, go to Carlson, finish a paper, complete an extra credit assignment, and study for a final.

I am so thankful for everything!

A taste of my own medicine.

I met a girl the other night at church, I just got her name and nothing else. Well, when I got home she had already sent me a FB friend request.. We chatted for a little while and some red flags went up but I figured I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.. A couple days later I watched the American Idol finale at her house. She was super shy and only made eye contact a couple times. This girl is 33 years old, so its not like she just moved out of the house.. Well, she is living in a house her dad owns and is driving one of their extra cars and she doesn't have a job for the summer.. Well, I can relate to the "being unemployed" part. But anyway, since we hung out she has been texting me non stop.. I can relate to that part though, (and Heidi also brought this up) in the past when I've started liking a girl it has been instant infatuation and all I did was focus on her and want to talk to her and want to be with her and want to hold her and want to talk to her... I know, crazy! I can't believe some of those girls actually dated me.. Because, when you are on the receiving end you can almost feel suffocated... So, she wants to be friends with me. There are not many people that I have refused friendship so we will see how this goes.. So far the guidelines are, text or chat when you have something important to say and say everything else through emails and if we are out somewhere it will be in a group. I am hopeful that she will understand how her actions are being perceived..

This is where I start being brutally honest and since very few people read this, those who choose to comment let me know if I'm being shallow or if these are legitimate gripes. I would not consider myself highly educated but one thing that really annoys me is when people do not use proper grammar.. Just simple stuff like speaking properly and not using slang all the time.. It is just polite to try to speak properly. Something else that I've recently noticed that bothers me is when people type letters as if they were texting, using things like "u" instead of "you" and "now" instead of "know" and misspelling common words or using them in the wrong way like "its" instead of "it is." It just shows a lack of attention to detail or that they don't really care what they are saying, or that's how I perceive it. Sure, I'm not perfect and sometimes I use a word in the wrong way but I try to catch myself.

Anyway, now I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of infatuation. So far I don't really like it..

She was defriended..

I have a pretty good friend who I met on Speeddate, she lives in Iowa. We have never met however we know each other fairly well.. Well, I probably know more facts about her then she does me but that's probably because I ask more questions.. And I try to listen. She's pretty cool. We bounce stuff off of each other from time to time and neither one of us are right all the time but its good to have someone to give me honest and frank advise... Today she asked me to explain the situation that was bothering me yesterday.. I got the answer to the question that I asked.. I kinda already knew the answer but it was good to get a confirmation and a little support. The question I posed was this, "If you call a girl and you know that she is there but she doesn't answer, then what does that mean?" I guess I was looking for a more detailed answer but what my friend told me made sense. Her response was, "It means that the girl doesn't like you..." Now, I was hoping that it meant that she didn't like talking on the phone.. But the explanation I got made sense.. If you call a girl and she at least likes you as a friend, then she is going to pick up. If she doesn't even really like you enough to inconvenience herself, then she's probably not a friend at all." I asked if I should defriend this chick and delete her phone number (hoping that my friend in Iowa would say that was too harsh) she instead told me that that was what I should do. Once again, she explained it well saying, "she is not being nice and she is hurting you.." I was being hurt, not bad I guess, but more then a true "friend" would "hurt" another friend. Most of my friends are happy to talk on the phone... Or, at the very least, they will text me and say that they are busy or something like that... But a girl that doesn't want to talk to you doesn't even apologize for missing your call!

This girl told me that she didn't like it when guys played games with her... But she plays her own games.. I feel played.. The things I did wrong for "playing the game.." Firstly, I hate playing games like this, I say it how it is and pick up the pieces afterwards.. Secondly, I made it too easy for her to walk all over me.. If she wants to be friends with me then she will have to send me a friend request on fb or text me. Its like breaking up only we were never in a relationship (or friendship for that matter). Do you know how many of my ex girlfriends have contacted me after we broke up? Let me think... Maybe one and that was several years later and she was happily married with kids.. So, I don't think this girl will miss me enough to contact me. I always hope but this hope will soon fade.. Thirdly, I should have seen the signs... The first sign: I told her that I wanted to continue corresponding with her and she told me, "I'm not very good at corresponding with people who I don't see on a day to day basis.." I appreciated her honest, I think that was her trying to let me down lightly.. I'm a sucker.. Or I have to take that for what it is and it was her telling me not to expect or hope for anything. Lastly, I should have known it would never work, she's "out of my league." She's probably one of the prettiest girls I ever tried to pursue and like my friend in Iowa put it, "Travis, you're not a Frat boy.."

Ms. Iowa's advise for me. "Give it a break and focus on other stuff..." The thing is, I always get in really good shape after a break up. When the last girl I dated from Iowa broke up with me I got in the best shape of my adult life. I started running every day before work.. I work up to running about three and a half miles and I was pretty fast.. One day I even ran five miles before work.. I think I ran for two months straight.. I hated my job and I wanted to get away.. The best way for me to do that was to run and run fast.. Kinda like punishing my body, but in a good way. I just got done doing P90X, it really is punishment.. But it helps me focus on other stuff. I have wasted too much of my time looking for girls.. And I need to focus on college this fall and getting into Carlson. Oh, and maybe I'll focus on dancing a bit too!

I need to stop wasting my time on girls.

I woke up this morning thinking about what I was thinking about last night... I have decided that I need to stop wasting time on girls. Girls are not a waste of time, but I waste a lot of time trying to pursue them on Match.com, or trying to chat with them on facebook.. I need to try to do what Heidi told me to do a while ago, she said, "Stop trying so hard, you just need to wait around and then girls will ask you to do stuff rather then you always asking them." I guess this is true, the girls that really care about me will want to do stuff with me. But the girls who just care about themselves will expect me to call and flatter them. Maybe I just make it too easy to get used. I think that's it, I get taken for granted. The funny thing is though, I'll probably still want the specific girls that I like to contact me of fb or something like that, I guess I'll just have to resist contacting them when it would be so easy to drop them a line.. I'll probably be waiting forever.

What does it mean when you call a girl and she doesn't pick up even though you know that she is really there??

I was on my way to church tonight when my car died, then I got home and heard that Osama Bin Laden had been eliminated. So my night went from sucky to pretty decent. And then I chatted with a girl online for a while. I've chatted with girls online a lot, I guess I don't know what to think. Maybe girls aren't that much different from guys in some regards.. Like, we are both putting ourselves out there, wanting to be understood, but at the same time we probably don't want to be understood to the point that it would take away some type of advantage that we have, or feel we have over each other. Its like a boy vs. girl sort of thing. We both want everything from the other side but we still hold back. Well, I don't feel like I'm holding anything back. I'm just confusing myself. Maybe the problem that I have is that I want something that I can't really have.. This girl, for example, I think she is really cool. Maybe cool is too old school of an explanation. I think that she is super awesome.. Better? Anyway, maybe she is unattainable because of the distance.. But I have a feeling that if the distance was not an issue then something else would be an issue. Maybe it just comes down to the fact that she doesn't like me like that and never will. In that case, for me to try to be her friend then I'm trying for all the wrong reasons. She could probably "get" any guy that she wanted, however I've heard girls tell me the same thing. But then I find a girl that I think I "want" but the feelings aren't reciprocated. Its hard though.. There are a lot of other girls out there and I have a feeling that the ones that I "want" probably aren't interested in me. I don't think I'm a bad guy, but I must not have the qualities that they expect or desire. I should be fine with that, or at least be able to move in another direction. Maybe I just see what I want to see, or see what I'm looking for. Or, maybe I don't know how to read the signs. I'm pretty sure that is one of my problems. If a girl is only willing to do what is easy for her then I shouldn't be willing to put myself out there for her. Girls seem to live my their own rules.. Or have expectations for guys but guys don't know what those expectations are. I guess my biggest question would be, "what does it mean when you like chatting with a girl but she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone?" I've run into this a couple of times... Like, a girl will be texting me and personally, I would rather talk on the phone, so I call them and then they don't answer. What does that mean? Does it mean that they don't like talking on the phone? Or does it mean that they just don't want to talk to me? Maybe it just means that they are in the bathroom and they don't want to talk... Or is it like a test? Like, do they want me to try again later? I think that's my biggest question right now.. Well, I could call back later but then that would feel like I was stalking them and I don't know if that's how she would perceive it.. I want to believe that is just means that they don't like talking on the phone. But in the case with this specific girl, don't think she want's to talk on the phone with me. If she wanted to talk on the phone with me then you would think that she would say, "hey, call me.." or something like that. I guess I come back to the question of why the girls that I'm really attracted to or really enjoy hanging out with me don't really like me? This is where the people sitting on the fence, watching the situation unfold, say, "she doesn't like you, deal with it you schmuck, move along..." So, I guess that's what my biggest question about girls is... "What does it mean when you call a girl and she doesn't pick up even though you know that she is really there?" I guess it could mean any number of things based on each woman's situation, but I think if I knew the answer to that question and understood it, I would be better off...

Lonely and confused..

Sometimes I get lonely. I watch TV or surf the internet. Its like I want to have someone to talk to but at the same time I don't want to come across as a lonely person. Sometimes I think lonely people are creepy.. Is it wrong to want to talk to someone? Well, for right now I would settle for just about anyone, but eventually I think I would be content with just one person. Or one person with a couple of good friends.. I was just thinking that I have spend the whole morning not talking to anyone, but I spoke to a friend on the phone for about two minutes, so there goes my streak.

I think I get attached to people too quickly.. Or I open up too quickly. A girl once told me that women like guys who are mysterious, I don't think I am very good at being mysterious. I've tried to be mysterious though... But, for some reason, it doesn't seem to work very well for me. Another guy told me that I should get women to think that they need to talk to me all the time.. But then he spends hours on the phone with his girl friend when he would rather be doing other things. I've seen him on the phone and he looks so bored!! LOL! I told him that he is so good at getting her to think that she has to talk to him that now he can't get her off the phone! I guess my biggest "problem" in "playing the game" is that I don't care to play that game or any game. I just what a wholesome relationship with a woman that I can just chill with and share my life with.

The other day I chatted with a female friend of mine who finds herself in a situation very similar to my own. Its funny how she deals with some of the same stuff that I deal with only she is on the opposite side of the matter. She has to deal with the guys who are playing the game and taking everything that they can get. I feel for her, and at the same time I am hoping that she finds a guy a lot like myself. Someone who will treat her with respect, want to do things with her, protect her, encourage her and serve her. Oh, and trust her and love her. There are times where I want to go find a girl like that and treat her right and there are other times that I just want to stay at home and do nothing. Well, I don't like staying at home, but I don't know what else to do. I'm on Match.com and I see lots of girls on there, but when you already like a girl it is hard to "go shopping" for another girl. Well, that's what it feels like, shopping the classifieds for a woman who has things in common with me.. I am so thankful to have friends who are girls, they are more fun to talk to then guys! I think I like a girl anyway, but its is far safer just to try to be her friend. I think that's my biggest problem today.. Its not that I am bored, its more that I don't understand some stuff. Like, should I make a change in my life, move away from my friends and family, and out of Minnesota? Its chilly outside today.. The Spring and Fall seasons can seem so long.. So warmer temps are sounding good right about now.. And if I were to choose to move, would it be for the wrong reasons? Who's to say if a reason is right or wrong. Would a move like that be "living with no regrets" or would be just be making a big mistake? I think I would rather live with a mistake rather then living with a regret. What did God tell me? Maybe I should ask him since I've spent all this time thinking about it and I haven't gotten anywhere doing it by myself...

Spring Cleaning..

I get into these spurts.. Like, one time I thought it would be fun to scrap book, but it only took about five pages to do my whole life.. Or the pictures that I had on hand anyway.. Today, I got into this cleaning spurt.. I'm not done yet but when I am finished I hope for my room to be really clean with an area in the middle big enough to do a swingout.. I think I might go get some filing cabinets or a book shelf, something that will allow me to better organize. Yesterday I picked up some filing boxes, the type with handles on them so they are pretty mobile. I actually bought two different types, one for personal files and one for military filing. My current method of filing is just throwing everything into my filing box, in an orderly fashion... But there are really old files in there that I don't need and it really isn't very organized. I guess part of my motivation to do this is because I had my room pretty clean when I left and I want to be organized. I want to know exactly where everything is and not waste time looking for things. I'm really good at keeping everything important but I'm pretty good at keeping everything that isn't important too... So then I have everything, but I don't need most of the stuff. Another thing that is motivating me is being able to move.. I haven't decided to move but I want to be flexible. I don't want to live is this house forever! I like it, but I want something more.. I do have it pretty good though, $300 a month plus utilities. I spend $300 staying in a hotel room for three days! I couldn't wait to get out of there, I can't justify spending that kind of money! I need to budget too. Now that I'm out of credit card debt and I could potentially be out of student loan debt, it is extremely important that I live within my means. Once I budge everything I have to make sure that I am putting money in savings. If you are not saving money then you are not living within your means...

I have a lot of stuff. I guess some of this is just in my blood. My dad has several cars, and a bone yard of old cars that still have lots of good "parts" on them. Does he need all those things? Well, no, but it is something of a hobby for him. In going through my stuff I have found things that I have collected with good intentions but then they have just sat around. I have to ask myself, "Am I really going to make another shirt for Rendezvous? I I really need all the boots that that Military has given me? Do I need 8 pairs of good jeans and 6 pair of play jeans?? I just have so much stuff. I'm not a hoarder like on those TV shows, thankfully.. My room can get messy but then I get into one of these spurts... Well, I have a hair cut scheduled for 3:00 so that gives me a drop dead time of 2:30... Its noon right now so I should be able to reorganize my room, unpack my bags (civilian and military), repack my military bag for this weekend, organize my military filing box, tidy up the rest of my room, go through my clothes and toss some of them and be ready to leave the house for my hair cut. Speaking of going through my clothes, a friend of mine told me that I could make a quilt out of my old T-shirts so that I am able to keep them around even though I won't be wearing them anymore.. I wish I had considered that last time I threw out like 10 T-shirts that I liked but didn't really wear anymore. I've never made a quilt but I think it sounds like a great idea... But then again, it kinda sounds like a good intention that might never happen. We will have to see what shirts I am considering throwing out..

Two bloggs in two days.. I need to get a job!!