I went for a run this morning.. I like running it helps me focus on things that are unrelated to my every day life. Well, that's not true, I helps me focus on running and only running, that way I'm not thinking about work, friends, girls, girlfriends, money, cars, snowmobiles.. What I missing? I don't think about God enough.. On Tuesday night I asked my friends to try to remember to pray for me while I was at work and yesterday was an okay day. I am getting better at my job, it just takes so much out of me. I'm actually too nice on the phone, I'm in collections... No one is going to pay anything if their debtors agree that they don't have any money and that there is no way to pay back the money that they spent when it wasn't theirs in the first place.. Did I mention I think about girls and friendships a bit? Well, I've noticed a common denominator in both work and friendships, its a well known fact that nice guys finish last.. You know what? In friendships I'm fine with finishing last, because its not about me, it about my friends and their happiness. In the military that's called selfless service, putting others before yourself. Well, I will willingly do that, I'll put my friends and their happiness before my own. But the best part of my true friends is that they are willing to do the same for me.. There are other things that come up, hard situations and stuff like that that they have to go through but in the end we are there for each other. So in my friendships I am there for them, not to make myself happy. Work is another thing.
If I always finish last in work I will never be successful (in the business world) but if I got into some type of service industry I may excel. God has not opened those doors yet, though. I was paging through my Bible and I came to James. This doesn't really apply to what I have been bloging about but chapter 4 talks about submitting yourself to God. When we try to make plans and do things we are a "mist that appears for a short while." I do not know what will happen tomorrow and I don't know if I even have plans for the weekend. But this passage is not saying to not live with excitement or to not look forward to things but rather to live say, "if the Lord wills it I will do this or that." If the Lord wills it that I find a girl who will love me as much as I will love her, it will happen. If the Lord wills it I will become successful at my job and enjoy it. If the Lord wills it I will be able to make ends meet and be finacially stable.. If the Lord wills it I will help bring the lost back to him.. But if the Lord does not will any of those things, the things that I think that I want.. Then I need to focus on Him, love Him, and grow closer to Him.. If the Lord wills it, it will come to pass.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Why do I do what I do not want to do??
I played soccer for Crown College in the fall of 2007, I really enjoyed having the opportunity to play, but I was not in very good shape so I spent most of that year sitting on the bench.. Well there was this kid who played the same position as I did and we would switch off during the game. Well, in the beginning of the year he started a fast, I think we was fasting for four days or something like that. Well, I supported him and his fast but I was curious of why he chose to do it during the soccer season. I asked him why he was fasting and he said that he was fasting because he was sinning, but I misunderstood him thinking that he was fasting because he was sitting... I was like, "well, maybe coach wants to give someone else a shot at playing..." Wow, how clueless I was.. But it was funny. I don't know how God led this guy or if he was able to give him more direction in his life but I think we all wonder what we fall into sin so easily..
Paul was going through the same debate with himself and God in Romans chapter 7. In Romans 7:14-20 Paul wrote, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do no do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." I believe Paul came to the same conclusion my team mate probably did. Its our sinful desire that leads us to sin, its all our humanly body has ever know.
I don't want to be so sinful, but I always fall back into sin. Catholic priests probably thought that they would be fine once they became Bishops or some higher position but we all know that even priests are bound by sin. Paul talked a lot about grace and praise God for being a gracious God, I feel bad everything I fall back into sin but I know that He accepts me for all my short comings.. However, I still try to do things by myself, I find myself not even willing to look to Him for my strength, I end up thinking to myself that if only I try harder I will be successful. Or if I try harder these people will like me. Or if I have this possession in my life I will feel more successful. Well, when all my trying gets me no where and I'm out there wearing myself out, the only time I will find peace or comfort is when I turn all my troubles over to him. Only then will I feel complete or completely loved!! I just started thinking about these things when I read a friend's status, way to go G.
Paul was going through the same debate with himself and God in Romans chapter 7. In Romans 7:14-20 Paul wrote, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do no do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." I believe Paul came to the same conclusion my team mate probably did. Its our sinful desire that leads us to sin, its all our humanly body has ever know.
I don't want to be so sinful, but I always fall back into sin. Catholic priests probably thought that they would be fine once they became Bishops or some higher position but we all know that even priests are bound by sin. Paul talked a lot about grace and praise God for being a gracious God, I feel bad everything I fall back into sin but I know that He accepts me for all my short comings.. However, I still try to do things by myself, I find myself not even willing to look to Him for my strength, I end up thinking to myself that if only I try harder I will be successful. Or if I try harder these people will like me. Or if I have this possession in my life I will feel more successful. Well, when all my trying gets me no where and I'm out there wearing myself out, the only time I will find peace or comfort is when I turn all my troubles over to him. Only then will I feel complete or completely loved!! I just started thinking about these things when I read a friend's status, way to go G.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Travis, you are "trying" to hard again...
Just read a friends post, she is such a great woman of God and I am honored for her to call me her friend! I was talking with a female friend last week about this other gal, (I see a reoccurring theme of all these girls in my life) she had made the comment that I should not "try" so hard to be someone's friend. I think her comment was just that, a comment. But I am pretty sure there was some kind of truth to it..
Looking back on my life the only thing that I've been naturally good at was trying. The only way that I have ever been good at anything was to try really hard. When I work I try to take what I learn in training and apply it, and try (work) real hard. In basketball I was tall but very uncoordinated so I had to try really hard to do anything. In soccer I had to work really hard, I was not skilled and I could not kick the ball very far but I made up for it in hustle.. In school the only way I got good grades was to study really hard, I wasn't one of those kids who could learn really fast and not study, things went in one ear and out the other, I had to try really hard...
About eight or nine months ago Heidi told me to stop trying so hard to pursue girls or be their friends.. She said that if I was myself and didn't try to go after girls then pretty soon they would be calling me to do stuff with them. I thought that she was just saying that to annoy me, but as I trusted more and more in God and was willing to be on his time line, I was trying less and less to pursue girls and was just being myself. Granted, I drove my car a lot to get to places where these "friends" were but I enjoyed helping them and their friends and family.. And now D&D are like a second family to me, or something like that..
Are girls calling me to hang out? Actually they kinda are. But I'm falling back into my old patterns. I'm starting to "try" too hard again. Even making myself available can come across as trying too hard.. If there were to be a girl I was interested in, I would want to not "try" to hang out with her too much, because if something ever came up that she couldn't do it I would have been "expecting" to hang out with her. "Travis, Travis, you are trying too hard again. And in doing that you are pushing them away..." I can just see Heidi telling me. Anyway, I was reading in Philippians 4 yesterday, Paul was talking about some things and he said, "...I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation...I can do everything through him who gives me strength.." One of my problems as a human is to try to do things on my own. When I am so totally focused on Him, I 'm on the straight and narrow.. But then I'm like, "Thanks God for getting me through that really sucky part of my life, now I'm G2G!" And then I try to do it by myself. I try to meet people and chill with them and I don't even include God in it. But he is there, watching and waiting..
But these past couple weeks have been good, I've re focused my priorities and realized the things the I really need in life. I need God and I need food, or something like that.. But without the bread of life my life is dead and lonely.. But when I have him I can be content with what I have. Its the content part that can be somewhat challenging because if I lose focus on God then I start "trying" to do it myself... Pray for me.
Looking back on my life the only thing that I've been naturally good at was trying. The only way that I have ever been good at anything was to try really hard. When I work I try to take what I learn in training and apply it, and try (work) real hard. In basketball I was tall but very uncoordinated so I had to try really hard to do anything. In soccer I had to work really hard, I was not skilled and I could not kick the ball very far but I made up for it in hustle.. In school the only way I got good grades was to study really hard, I wasn't one of those kids who could learn really fast and not study, things went in one ear and out the other, I had to try really hard...
About eight or nine months ago Heidi told me to stop trying so hard to pursue girls or be their friends.. She said that if I was myself and didn't try to go after girls then pretty soon they would be calling me to do stuff with them. I thought that she was just saying that to annoy me, but as I trusted more and more in God and was willing to be on his time line, I was trying less and less to pursue girls and was just being myself. Granted, I drove my car a lot to get to places where these "friends" were but I enjoyed helping them and their friends and family.. And now D&D are like a second family to me, or something like that..
Are girls calling me to hang out? Actually they kinda are. But I'm falling back into my old patterns. I'm starting to "try" too hard again. Even making myself available can come across as trying too hard.. If there were to be a girl I was interested in, I would want to not "try" to hang out with her too much, because if something ever came up that she couldn't do it I would have been "expecting" to hang out with her. "Travis, Travis, you are trying too hard again. And in doing that you are pushing them away..." I can just see Heidi telling me. Anyway, I was reading in Philippians 4 yesterday, Paul was talking about some things and he said, "...I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation...I can do everything through him who gives me strength.." One of my problems as a human is to try to do things on my own. When I am so totally focused on Him, I 'm on the straight and narrow.. But then I'm like, "Thanks God for getting me through that really sucky part of my life, now I'm G2G!" And then I try to do it by myself. I try to meet people and chill with them and I don't even include God in it. But he is there, watching and waiting..
But these past couple weeks have been good, I've re focused my priorities and realized the things the I really need in life. I need God and I need food, or something like that.. But without the bread of life my life is dead and lonely.. But when I have him I can be content with what I have. Its the content part that can be somewhat challenging because if I lose focus on God then I start "trying" to do it myself... Pray for me.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
If you really knew me,
Do you know me? Who really knows me? I would have to say that my sister really knows me and so does my brother in law. My sister knows more things about me then I want her to know. She knows my bad habits and she knows what my mannerisms are. My brother-in-law knows what makes me tick but we don't talk about it. H (sister), can really be in my face about things. She can be like, Trav, why are you doing that. Or Trav, you need to do this. But the most annoying thing that she does is ask me questions that she knows the answer to. But she usually doesn't do that very often, she knows that I would rather talk about it then have someone ask me questions about a subject that isn't be talked about. Confusing, I know... But I love her. My best freind, Grover, says that he knows me, but does he really know me or understand me? I think he understands me because he understands what I like and don't like but to really know a person takes active listening, it takes time and effort, its different. Princess doesn't even know me?? What? Well, I figured it out, its because of that time and effort involved... Those of you close to the "inner circle" would understand.. But its cool, its something we can talk about now... I'm hearing things now that I never knew but are making everything make sense now.. Good times.
When I say, do you really know me I think of what Jesus said to his followers. If you really knew me you'd know my Father as well. If we are Christians can people see Jesus in us? I think sometimes we lose focus and become like our non-Chrstian friends. What I mean by that is someone who doesn't know us won't be able to tell us apart from non-Christians. Should they really be able to tell a difference though? Should we do things different from other people? We are already saved... People who are very legalistic place restrictions on themselves that distinguish them from non-Christians. I call it legalistic but maybe it would have been more accurate to call them "religious." I don't necessarily have religion but I do have God and I do have a relationship with Jesus. Knowing someone comes down to what type of relationship you have with them. I am best friends with Grover and Princess but our relationships are very different. I tell Grover everything that goes on in my life, who I like, who I don't like, what I want to do for the next six months, what I did today, if he wants to hang out, ect, ect... I basically just call him to chat as good friends do. My relationship with Princess if much different. We rarely talk on the phone just to talk and if we do its me calling her. She called to wish me a happy birthday and I was like, "So what's up?" thinking that she had something important to tell me, it wasn't like her to just call me.. So I think knowing someone comes down to what kind of relationship you have with that person and how much time you put into it. The people who know me best are the people I talk to most, my family, Grover and SP, I talk to those guys every day.. Princess and SS can't even touch that type of relationship. Relationships basically just happen. If they don't happen its probably because they are not meant to happen. If you are putting in a ton of time to try to make a relationship happen or work out, then one of the people probably really doesn't want it to work out and you will just end up being hurt in the end... I feel I'm an open book, I say what is on my mind and if you want to know what I'm thinking just ask me...
When I say, do you really know me I think of what Jesus said to his followers. If you really knew me you'd know my Father as well. If we are Christians can people see Jesus in us? I think sometimes we lose focus and become like our non-Chrstian friends. What I mean by that is someone who doesn't know us won't be able to tell us apart from non-Christians. Should they really be able to tell a difference though? Should we do things different from other people? We are already saved... People who are very legalistic place restrictions on themselves that distinguish them from non-Christians. I call it legalistic but maybe it would have been more accurate to call them "religious." I don't necessarily have religion but I do have God and I do have a relationship with Jesus. Knowing someone comes down to what type of relationship you have with them. I am best friends with Grover and Princess but our relationships are very different. I tell Grover everything that goes on in my life, who I like, who I don't like, what I want to do for the next six months, what I did today, if he wants to hang out, ect, ect... I basically just call him to chat as good friends do. My relationship with Princess if much different. We rarely talk on the phone just to talk and if we do its me calling her. She called to wish me a happy birthday and I was like, "So what's up?" thinking that she had something important to tell me, it wasn't like her to just call me.. So I think knowing someone comes down to what kind of relationship you have with that person and how much time you put into it. The people who know me best are the people I talk to most, my family, Grover and SP, I talk to those guys every day.. Princess and SS can't even touch that type of relationship. Relationships basically just happen. If they don't happen its probably because they are not meant to happen. If you are putting in a ton of time to try to make a relationship happen or work out, then one of the people probably really doesn't want it to work out and you will just end up being hurt in the end... I feel I'm an open book, I say what is on my mind and if you want to know what I'm thinking just ask me...
Friday, February 13, 2009
Anti Acquatiences First
I sit here at my computer wanting to write about something but I don't really know what to say. I guess I can write about my friends and just be thankful for what the Lord has blessed me with. I am so thankful for the friends that I have. I know I've said that before but I just can't get over how meaningful they are to me. I want to be there for them and I know that I am. I just enjoy doing that for them. You have to show that to each person in their own way. For one person if maybe be talking to them to make sure that they get home, while for another person it may be making sure that they are getting enough sleep, you know who you are.. But that's what I'm here for. Some of it consists of self sacrifice while on the other hand its just taking the time to caring for them. I find it easier to care for my guy friends, they have nothing to hide and they seem to appreciate the time you put into it. Every relationship takes time. With girls it is a little different, they seem to have rules or hidden expectations. Girls will tell you that there are not "rules" but there are, there always are rules. The thing is, guys are usually dumb, like we don't always read what is going on. It goes both ways though.
A girl told me that I didn't greet her like I did another girl. There's a rule, greet every girl the same, no matter if you know the girl or not. But then it depends on the girl and her own rules..
Every person is different so you have to do what they call in sales, "mirror matching," give the person what you know they want.. But then if you give the person (girl) what you think she wants you end up leading that person on.. I've done that in the past, I thought that I was giving the girl the type of effection that she wanted but I wasn't willing to go the whole way (because she liked me). I liked her too but not the way that she liked me.. That's where honesty comes in. I used to have two rules to dating, number one: Honesty is the best policy, and number two: communication is the key. That's back when I believed in dating. I am no longer a believer in that sense. If you don't know the girl very well then you probably don't know her well enough to "date" her.
Definitions: What is the definition of dating? Well, according to Merriam-Webster, a date is, "a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character." Romance... That's a different topic of discussion but it still relates. I am all for social engagements, that's basically what has given me something to look forward to. I am a human male, so I've always looked forward to social engagements where females would be present, is that such a bad thing? Well, its not a bad thing but one should focus on the building of relationships, not the building of romance. Romance comes with time but when that is the whole reason of your engagement things can become empty very quickly.
I am not anti-dating, I'm anti-dating soley for romantic purposes. Does that makes sense? I once confessed my feelings for a girl and she told me that things would never work out, not exactly what a guy wants to hear... It was at that point that I realized that I had jumped past the whole relationship part and went right for the romance. That's where you have to back up a bit and re-evaluate your reasons for pursing someone. Are you pursing them for romantic reasons or are you pursing them because you care about them and want what is best for them. If you want what is best for them then you should not even include yourself in the picture. That's when they have the choice to include you in the picture.
I used to have this saying, "friends first" when I was dating someone. But that doesn't really work, if you aren't even friends before you start dating then you've skipped right into the romance part of it. So my saying of "friends first" was more like saying "acquatiences first" because that's all you really are after the dating part doesn't work.. I have a bunch of ex girlfriends that are basically just acquatiences. I am not a part of their lifes now because I wasn't really a part of their life before we started our "relationship."
So that brings up an important question, what is a friend? How can you really classify someone as a friend? I have over six hundred "friends" on facebook but how many of them are truely friends?? I can think of a couple of the people that I would consider true friends that I don't talk to anymore, but most of them are just acquatiences. To be a true friend you have to spend time building that friendship. Time, it all seems to come back to time..
I have found that it is best to not expect things of my friends. I do not expect them to call me, they will call me when they want to talk or need something. If all I did was wait for my friends to call I would be waiting for a long time.. Longer for some then for others.. But when I don't expect them to call me, then I have a chance to be excited when that happens! That is one of the things I get the most joy out of, getting a phone call. I remember a time, long before cell phones when I would be at home and the phone would ring, then mom or dad would say, "Travis, its for you." What a job to receive a phone call!! I still get that same type of joy every time my phone rings and I think, "Oh, its for me!!"
Anyway, what have I put into words?
All relationships take time.
Don't "date" unless you really know the person.
If you really know the person then you must be true friends.
Don't expect anything from your friends, just care for them.
I like it when my friends call me.
I guess that's what was on my mind, Happy Valentines Day!!
A girl told me that I didn't greet her like I did another girl. There's a rule, greet every girl the same, no matter if you know the girl or not. But then it depends on the girl and her own rules..
Every person is different so you have to do what they call in sales, "mirror matching," give the person what you know they want.. But then if you give the person (girl) what you think she wants you end up leading that person on.. I've done that in the past, I thought that I was giving the girl the type of effection that she wanted but I wasn't willing to go the whole way (because she liked me). I liked her too but not the way that she liked me.. That's where honesty comes in. I used to have two rules to dating, number one: Honesty is the best policy, and number two: communication is the key. That's back when I believed in dating. I am no longer a believer in that sense. If you don't know the girl very well then you probably don't know her well enough to "date" her.
Definitions: What is the definition of dating? Well, according to Merriam-Webster, a date is, "a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character." Romance... That's a different topic of discussion but it still relates. I am all for social engagements, that's basically what has given me something to look forward to. I am a human male, so I've always looked forward to social engagements where females would be present, is that such a bad thing? Well, its not a bad thing but one should focus on the building of relationships, not the building of romance. Romance comes with time but when that is the whole reason of your engagement things can become empty very quickly.
I am not anti-dating, I'm anti-dating soley for romantic purposes. Does that makes sense? I once confessed my feelings for a girl and she told me that things would never work out, not exactly what a guy wants to hear... It was at that point that I realized that I had jumped past the whole relationship part and went right for the romance. That's where you have to back up a bit and re-evaluate your reasons for pursing someone. Are you pursing them for romantic reasons or are you pursing them because you care about them and want what is best for them. If you want what is best for them then you should not even include yourself in the picture. That's when they have the choice to include you in the picture.
I used to have this saying, "friends first" when I was dating someone. But that doesn't really work, if you aren't even friends before you start dating then you've skipped right into the romance part of it. So my saying of "friends first" was more like saying "acquatiences first" because that's all you really are after the dating part doesn't work.. I have a bunch of ex girlfriends that are basically just acquatiences. I am not a part of their lifes now because I wasn't really a part of their life before we started our "relationship."
So that brings up an important question, what is a friend? How can you really classify someone as a friend? I have over six hundred "friends" on facebook but how many of them are truely friends?? I can think of a couple of the people that I would consider true friends that I don't talk to anymore, but most of them are just acquatiences. To be a true friend you have to spend time building that friendship. Time, it all seems to come back to time..
I have found that it is best to not expect things of my friends. I do not expect them to call me, they will call me when they want to talk or need something. If all I did was wait for my friends to call I would be waiting for a long time.. Longer for some then for others.. But when I don't expect them to call me, then I have a chance to be excited when that happens! That is one of the things I get the most joy out of, getting a phone call. I remember a time, long before cell phones when I would be at home and the phone would ring, then mom or dad would say, "Travis, its for you." What a job to receive a phone call!! I still get that same type of joy every time my phone rings and I think, "Oh, its for me!!"
Anyway, what have I put into words?
All relationships take time.
Don't "date" unless you really know the person.
If you really know the person then you must be true friends.
Don't expect anything from your friends, just care for them.
I like it when my friends call me.
I guess that's what was on my mind, Happy Valentines Day!!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Earthly Father vs. Heavenly Father
I know I just posted a blog last night but I wanted to talk about something I've talked to my friends about, its my relationship with my dad and how it relates to my relationship to the God the Father. Last week I spent some time at my parents house up in Roseau, it was what I guess I really needed to reassure myself.
What I mean by that is I'm a "words or affirmation" sort of guy so if I am not hearing words of encouragement from people that I hold so dear then my mind begins to question how people really feel. I know that I've talked about my relationship with my dad before and how he told me that he loved me and how that meant so much to me, well it was nice spending time with him for a couple of days. I talk to my dad a couple of times a week and or family is very open but sometimes it seems like we don't talk about anything beyond the day to day things. But spending time with my dad showed me that we could talk about anything, its just that I have to bring it up first.
So when I'm with my dad we are just doing things together and we are just being and doing, we aren't exactly talking about things or sharing our emotions. Well, my relationship with my earthly father is similar to the relationship I share with my Heavenly Father, I'll explain. Like when I'm with my dad we can talk about anything I just have to bring it up, my dad isn't a mind reader, and then when I'm with my Heavenly Father, we can talk about anything, I just have to bring it up. So that is exactly the same there. Also, my dad loves me and he shows me that love by the things that he does. My dad is a "quality time" sort of guy, he is so busy doing everything but he makes time to do things with the people that he really cares about.
Knowing that, I need to be able to accept the way that he shows me love, not the way that I feel I should be loved. I have to understand that when dad takes time out of his busy life to do something with me, that is how he is showing me his love. God, on the other hand, is there waiting for me. He is omnipresent, he has all the time in the world for me, I just have to be able to accept that. If I can learn to feel loved through spending quality time, then I will be able to understand that God truely loves me and is willing to spend eternity with me!!
What I mean by that is I'm a "words or affirmation" sort of guy so if I am not hearing words of encouragement from people that I hold so dear then my mind begins to question how people really feel. I know that I've talked about my relationship with my dad before and how he told me that he loved me and how that meant so much to me, well it was nice spending time with him for a couple of days. I talk to my dad a couple of times a week and or family is very open but sometimes it seems like we don't talk about anything beyond the day to day things. But spending time with my dad showed me that we could talk about anything, its just that I have to bring it up first.
So when I'm with my dad we are just doing things together and we are just being and doing, we aren't exactly talking about things or sharing our emotions. Well, my relationship with my earthly father is similar to the relationship I share with my Heavenly Father, I'll explain. Like when I'm with my dad we can talk about anything I just have to bring it up, my dad isn't a mind reader, and then when I'm with my Heavenly Father, we can talk about anything, I just have to bring it up. So that is exactly the same there. Also, my dad loves me and he shows me that love by the things that he does. My dad is a "quality time" sort of guy, he is so busy doing everything but he makes time to do things with the people that he really cares about.
Knowing that, I need to be able to accept the way that he shows me love, not the way that I feel I should be loved. I have to understand that when dad takes time out of his busy life to do something with me, that is how he is showing me his love. God, on the other hand, is there waiting for me. He is omnipresent, he has all the time in the world for me, I just have to be able to accept that. If I can learn to feel loved through spending quality time, then I will be able to understand that God truely loves me and is willing to spend eternity with me!!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Who is she?
I just got back from an awesome ski trip that I went on with some of my closest friends. I had an awesome time!! I told one of my friends that I have no idea where I would be without such good friends. I am so thankful for everything that I've been blessed with.
I am truely on God's time because I see things that other people have and am anxious for the time to come that I will have those things. I am not talking about wealth and the things of this world that so many people hold so closely, I am talking about the things that really matter. Sure, I will be thankful when God provides me with a job that I enjoy working, a job that I can give all the glory to Him but still feel fulfilled at the end of the day but that isn't really important in the grand scheme of things. The things that I feel are truely important are my family and the friendships that I share with other people.
The friendship that I am anxious to share is the one that I don't know has started yet. I see my friends, a newly engauged couple, and I am honored to share in their friendship together, but I am also anxious to have that type of frienship myself. In the past I have been in several relationships with girls where I thought that I was in it for the right reasons but now I have seen my friends and I see that they have something together that I have never had. They accept each other. I have thought of myself as an accepting person but now I see it on a whole different level. They are in love. My relationships never got far enough to be considered truely in love.
The friendships that I have shared with people over the past year have shown me what it really is to love someone. It starts by accepting them for who they are. Accepting them for what they have to offer and not longing for them to be someone or something that they are not. Who is that girl? The one who I will accept for who she is? Do I already know her? Whoever she is, I am anxious for the time when we will connect. When we will look into each others eyes and accept each other. But it will be so much more then that (I hope). I see my friends, I see how they are over joyed by the other persons company. They hold each other's heart in their hands but they care for each other more then they care for themselves. That's what the Bible says we ought to do for our mate, but to see it acted out helps make everything seem so much more believable.
I am glad that my past relationships ended as they did. There was one relationship where I could have married the girl but it would have been for all the wrong reasons. I want to marry for all the right reasons. God has shown me so much in the past year, I feel that I understand so much more about him and about myself, then I did before. I praise Him for showing me these things. And I praise Him for bringing me this far. I believe the reason I haven't had this type of relationship with anyone is because I have not been ready. I am still a work in progress.
I get attached to people too easily. My sister tells me that I try too hard. I need to just sit back a watch things as they unfold. Does that mean that I can't talk to people? I don't know what it means? If I'm sitting back and watching things as the unfold then why do I still get so lonley? Is that the devil talking when I start feeling sorry for myself? I guess that's another thing that God is showing me, why do I feel lonley if I still have Jesus? All relationships here on earth are temporary, the only relationship that I have that will never pass away is my relationship with God, he will never leave me and he accepts me for who I am!
Acceptance!! That is another thing that I have begun to come to grasps with!! God accepts me as a sinner and there is nothing I can do to "win" his favor back, I already have it!! I don't need anything in this life more then I need Him!! He is my friend and he is the one I can connect with on a level like no one else. He looks into my eyes and accepts me. He loves me and he has always been there waiting for me to accept Him back! He is the one that I've been waiting for my whole life. He thinks I'm funny and he appreciates my company! His relationship with me can be just like what I am seeing in my friends. I don't have to worry about what I look like when I see Him, he's just happy to see me or listen to me or spend time with me. He is my friend and it has taken me this long to understand that! Thank you God for being the one for me!!
I am truely on God's time because I see things that other people have and am anxious for the time to come that I will have those things. I am not talking about wealth and the things of this world that so many people hold so closely, I am talking about the things that really matter. Sure, I will be thankful when God provides me with a job that I enjoy working, a job that I can give all the glory to Him but still feel fulfilled at the end of the day but that isn't really important in the grand scheme of things. The things that I feel are truely important are my family and the friendships that I share with other people.
The friendship that I am anxious to share is the one that I don't know has started yet. I see my friends, a newly engauged couple, and I am honored to share in their friendship together, but I am also anxious to have that type of frienship myself. In the past I have been in several relationships with girls where I thought that I was in it for the right reasons but now I have seen my friends and I see that they have something together that I have never had. They accept each other. I have thought of myself as an accepting person but now I see it on a whole different level. They are in love. My relationships never got far enough to be considered truely in love.
The friendships that I have shared with people over the past year have shown me what it really is to love someone. It starts by accepting them for who they are. Accepting them for what they have to offer and not longing for them to be someone or something that they are not. Who is that girl? The one who I will accept for who she is? Do I already know her? Whoever she is, I am anxious for the time when we will connect. When we will look into each others eyes and accept each other. But it will be so much more then that (I hope). I see my friends, I see how they are over joyed by the other persons company. They hold each other's heart in their hands but they care for each other more then they care for themselves. That's what the Bible says we ought to do for our mate, but to see it acted out helps make everything seem so much more believable.
I am glad that my past relationships ended as they did. There was one relationship where I could have married the girl but it would have been for all the wrong reasons. I want to marry for all the right reasons. God has shown me so much in the past year, I feel that I understand so much more about him and about myself, then I did before. I praise Him for showing me these things. And I praise Him for bringing me this far. I believe the reason I haven't had this type of relationship with anyone is because I have not been ready. I am still a work in progress.
I get attached to people too easily. My sister tells me that I try too hard. I need to just sit back a watch things as they unfold. Does that mean that I can't talk to people? I don't know what it means? If I'm sitting back and watching things as the unfold then why do I still get so lonley? Is that the devil talking when I start feeling sorry for myself? I guess that's another thing that God is showing me, why do I feel lonley if I still have Jesus? All relationships here on earth are temporary, the only relationship that I have that will never pass away is my relationship with God, he will never leave me and he accepts me for who I am!
Acceptance!! That is another thing that I have begun to come to grasps with!! God accepts me as a sinner and there is nothing I can do to "win" his favor back, I already have it!! I don't need anything in this life more then I need Him!! He is my friend and he is the one I can connect with on a level like no one else. He looks into my eyes and accepts me. He loves me and he has always been there waiting for me to accept Him back! He is the one that I've been waiting for my whole life. He thinks I'm funny and he appreciates my company! His relationship with me can be just like what I am seeing in my friends. I don't have to worry about what I look like when I see Him, he's just happy to see me or listen to me or spend time with me. He is my friend and it has taken me this long to understand that! Thank you God for being the one for me!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
