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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It has been a while.

Trav here,

Just sitting at my computer after a long day at work. I had Swing Cat's practice, it was good. But I don't know where my career is going or if it will work itself out. I'm in collections, I call people on the phone tell them that they need to pay their bills. Work is fun and exciting when I have money coming in but then it is difficult and tiring when I don't have any money coming in. I don't really like playing this "number's game." Some people do really well at it but I am kinda growing tired of it.. I once thought that all I wanted to do was help people and I am helping people who want to help themselves but there are so many people who think the world owes them something or they are not willing to help themselves.. There are so many people who have that sort of mentality, they think that wealth is their right, like they don't even have to work hard anymore.. I am willing to work hard and I want to work hard but I might be in the wrong field. I am doing this because I have to. Almost everyone has to work to make a living, but so many people blame their problems on the government.. Like the government is supposed to take care of them. I think the government is supposed to protect us, like keep us safe and secure, but I don't think they are supposed to do a whole lot more then that..

Lately I have been seriously considering joining the government on this one, the Army that is. I would be working for the government and the government would be paying me but that would not come without sacrifice... Being in the Army would change a lot about my life, I would lose my freedome. I would lose the freedome to go where I wanted because I would be bound by them 24/7. I would have to move away and I would not see my friends and family as often as most people are free to do.. Sure, I would make new friends and I would have my time off but it would be very different. I would have more responsbilities then most people have to deal with and many things would be controled by the rules and guidlines that are already in place. But I think I would like most of it.. The things that I know I would not be able to do are: spending time with my friends and live are free, spend weekends enjoying the Minnesota weather, and see my family whenever I feel like making the drive..

Why would I join the military? I want a career. The way the economy is right now, I am unable to find a career that I enjoy doing. I want a job where I won't be stuck in the office all the time but at the same time I don't want to be doing manual labor all of the time either.. I think the military will allow that. I want to join the military and be an officer where I will be leading soldiers. In my position I would have people looking up to me for guidence and we would all be on the same team.. There will be risks but I have to decide if the reward will be worth it. There are things that I've always wanted in life, material things, is joining the military to get those materal things really worth it? I enjoy working on cars and working with my hands, but I can't really afford either one of those things where I am working now. So much in this world revolves around money, but that's the way it really has to be... Even if you were to be a monk living in a monestary the monestary is getting money from somewhere.. And everyone needs money to live... I am a very structured person, I believe the structure of the military would work well with me. Its almost like a calling.. I feel at home in the military. I have grown used to living by their rules.. From the time I got out of the National Guard I've kept my watch set to military time almost like its alwasy supposed to be that way.

When I was in the National Guard before I didn't really feel like civilans understood things about me. Like I always wanted them to understand what I did, my job, and the stucture, but I've come to realize that no one really understand that stuff unless they were in the military. I connect well with people who were in the service because they understand where I am coming from. Anyway, I am rambling.

I would give up a lot of things if I went into the military, I would miss my friends and family the most. I would probably miss Robbie the most, I talk to him almost every day. And my friends would probably miss me. That's where the meaning of life comes into play. I was talking with J the other day about heaven and how time doesn't exhist and if it doesn't exhist outside of this world then people who have died have already gone to heaven. So how meaningful is our life here? Just think of all the things you've done in life and how the years have gone by, how you can never get any of those years back... If I joined the military and retired in 17 years, would I look back and say, "Maybe I should have stayed with that job that I didn't like, I could have gotten somewhere..." or will I look back and say, "that was a really good decision, look where God has taken me..." How will you ever know if you don't take that step? I've been praying for guidence and I keep moving forward with this decision, I guess that is a direction, right? My friends know that I've been thinking about this for a while, probably longer then any other big decision I have considered. So far it feels like this is something that I've always wanted but have found ways to put it off. Now with the way things are, me being in debt and not knowing how I'm going to be able me financially make everything work. It could be one of the best decisions of my life. I feel that God has lead me to this because I am content with so many things in my life.. I am content with being single, I am content knowing that God is with me where ever I go, and I am content knowing that my friends and family love me for the man I have become. Having their support is something that I have always wanted but have not really known was there until now. I have needed this year away from the military to find myself and my friendships have made the biggest difference, those friends are Bob, Heidi, Jaron, Leah, Ben, Rae Rae, Matt and Kristy. Each special in their own way and have helped me understand that they truely care for me no matter where life (God) takes me.