I'm not single anymore..

Well, I'm back from Fort Benning and I met a woman through Match.com. I have actually met a hand full of women the past couple of months and I guess I scared some of them away... I think I try too hard.. In the past girls have told me that I'm "too nice.." I think that means that I don't challenge them enough or something like that.. Like I try to make them happy but in doing so I don't make it a challenge for them.. Everyone likes a challenge, right? So I would start dating a girl and then I would want to talk to her all the time. That's how it was in high school anyway. Maybe my tactics haven't changed much since then.. I think I get comfortable with the girl and then I tell her what I'm feeling.. Growing up with so many sisters I think I just got used to verbalizing with I'm thinking. I'm not saying that I would be the best communicator with my sisters but I've always been a pretty open guy. And I thought that girls liked knowing what a guy wanted or what was on his mind.. Well, if he does that then he isn't very mysterious.. Its hard for me to be mysterious because when I get something in my head I just have to open my mouth and verbalize it..

One of my friends (a girl who I would never date because we really don't see eye to eye on a lot of the important issues) told me that I'm too intense and I just have to tone it down a little bit. She actually knows second hand because she introduced me to her sister.. Her sister and I never met but we just chatted on the phone and I couldn't even pull that off... I felt like her sister was willing to talk to me a bunch over the phone but I guess that was just my perception. Well, each girl I've dated seems to be more and more like the woman I always hoped I would find myself with. This girl that I'm dating now is very special to me and I really don't want to mess it up. It seems like I'm always learning to be more patient.. I feel like I'm a patient person but lately I've found that I'm not very good at it.. But I think I'm getting better and being that I don't want to screw up I've learned that I have to be patient and just take things as they come.. I've been praying a bit lately and asking for guidance and I feel like God is telling me to take it easy.. Its hard to take it easy when you feel like you like someone so much, especially when she seems to be such an awesome person.. I still have an active profile on Match.com but so many of the girls don't really compare to the one I'm dating. I just really enjoy spending time with her! And that's something I have not had for a really long time.

The military seems to always complicate my life... I meet this awesome woman and then a couple weeks after I meet her I have to go to Fort Knox, KY for five months of training. Anything can happen in those five months.. I haven't been dating this girl for very long so maybe you could say that I'm still on the "first few weeks of dating" high.. I'm nervous that she is going to meet someone else but at the same time I know I'm a pretty good guy. I hope I'm the type of guy that she's interested and that the distance won't be that big of a problem.. I guess that's where faith comes in. Faith that God has a plan. I have to trust in Him and know that he is in control. Since I haven't been posting much I'm anxious to fast forward a couple of months and see where things are with this girl. I really hope that it goes well but at the same time I know that if I don't end up with this girl then I will have faith that God will bring the right one to me. But as of right now I am really hoping that I've already met her and our journey together is just starting. Only time will tell.

I'm glad I'm single

I'm down here at Officer Candidate School in Fort Benning Georgia and it seems like I'm always hearing guys talking on the phone to their loved ones and things don't seem to be going well. The Army can be very difficult on relationships... There is this guy who I know pretty well who has been trying to do nice things for his gf/fiancee but nothing seems to work. He buys her flowers but they are dead when she gets them... Or he tried to call her and she is always busy... But then he gets her on the phone and things are going okay but not great.. The guy has been away from home for three or four months and has been trying to do everything right since he left but she is still upset about things that he did before he left... He's a good guy and he is spinning his wheels but not really going anywhere... I'm glad I'm not that "that guy..."

And there is another guy who I heard talking to his gf and she is not happy about him calling her or the time that he is calling her... What is he supposed to do? He is trying so hard..

I have looked for girls on the internet and what not but that is difficult.. The thing is, I don't know that I would know what to do with a girl if I ever caught one.. I've been out of 'the game' for so long.. On the other hand, sometimes I feel like I'm 'that guy' that I never wanted to be... You know, the forty year old virgin type of guy..

But I'm glad I'm single. I can't imagine trying to make something work at a time like this. We had a briefing a couple of weeks ago for the Family Readiness Group and the women there were telling us how they have managed to stay with their husbands for all these years. I have great respect for them, they've stayed with their spouses through thick and thin, the numerous deployments and the time they've spent away from home, the several moves, raising a family and loving their husbands. So many of those things were not easy but they are still there, fighting ring along side their spouses. I don't know where the military will bring me or what God has planned for me but as of right now I am glad that I'm doing it alone.

Why

Where are things going? Why are things the way that they are? Why do I doubt myself? Am I in the right place? Am I looking for love in all the wrong places? Why do I feel lonely? Do others see me the way I see myself? If I feel like I want to get away will I find what I'm looking for when I get there? What am I looking for? Who am I looking for? Should I wait or should I pursue? What really matters in life? If I have a plan is it the right plan? If it is not the right plan how will I know if it doesn't work? When will it all make sense? Will it ever make sense? Are my answers to the questions the right answers? Does anyone really know me? Do I really know myself? Why isn't everything as easy as it seemed to be before? If things were easy before when did it change? If I don't have any regrets then why am I not where I thought I would be? Where did I think I would be? Where should I be? What am I doing with my life? What is life? What is right and what is wrong? Why are my answers not your answers? Do I really want an answer? What is love? What is acceptance? Is there compromise? What is compromise? What is happiness? What does it feel like? If I am successful will I consider it a success? Where will I be in a year? Where will I be in five or ten years? Will these thoughts be considered foolish? If I am doing what I enjoy why do I want more? Is there really a reason for everything? Is there something wrong? Why do I feel the way I feel? No response necessary...

Update on my life..

Well, a couple of things have changed since my last blog... I am still working at the collectiong company, and I actually made my goal this month.. In other news: I've since decided not to join the Army full time, instead I decided to go back to the National Guard and serve the country part time.. What it came down to is that I did not want to leave my family. If I had joined the Army I would have most likely been stationed in a state that was a couple days driving time away from MN. I really like MN, I like being around my family and friends and I like having four seasons where it snows in the winter and gets hot in the summer..

I have been swing dancing for over a year and a half now and I have really been enjoying it. I have been meeting people and have been improving as a dancer. I don't know it I will ever have a career in dancing but at this point I'm more then happy to give people free lessons and feed back on dancing. I am by no means an expert but I enjoy learning and I enjoy dancing. I will have to go away for the summer with the National Guard as I train to be an officer but I am anxious to go, I need the money and I think I will enjoy it.

The dance group that I am in is having try outs the month of March so I'm excited about that. I almost don't want to go but life is always changing and I've learned to better cope with these constant changes..

I'm still single but I enjoy my singleness. But being single, I have far more friends who are girls then I ever have had while dating. I think it is really neat how that works.. Over the past couple years I have learned how to be a friend and I am more of the "guy next door" that I always wanted to be. But the beauty of it is that I don't think I am trying to be someone who I am not.. Some of my friends who are girls could someday be more then "just friends" but most of my friendships will only be that, friendships. But these friendships are still super rewarding.

I have plans to hopefully deploy with the National Guard as an Officer on their next deployment. I am looking forward to leading soldiers and I should get paid well. I would like to purchase a house when I get back and hopefully by that time Polaris will be hiring so I could get a job there. We will see though, maybe God has other plans..