Lonely and confused..

Sometimes I get lonely. I watch TV or surf the internet. Its like I want to have someone to talk to but at the same time I don't want to come across as a lonely person. Sometimes I think lonely people are creepy.. Is it wrong to want to talk to someone? Well, for right now I would settle for just about anyone, but eventually I think I would be content with just one person. Or one person with a couple of good friends.. I was just thinking that I have spend the whole morning not talking to anyone, but I spoke to a friend on the phone for about two minutes, so there goes my streak.

I think I get attached to people too quickly.. Or I open up too quickly. A girl once told me that women like guys who are mysterious, I don't think I am very good at being mysterious. I've tried to be mysterious though... But, for some reason, it doesn't seem to work very well for me. Another guy told me that I should get women to think that they need to talk to me all the time.. But then he spends hours on the phone with his girl friend when he would rather be doing other things. I've seen him on the phone and he looks so bored!! LOL! I told him that he is so good at getting her to think that she has to talk to him that now he can't get her off the phone! I guess my biggest "problem" in "playing the game" is that I don't care to play that game or any game. I just what a wholesome relationship with a woman that I can just chill with and share my life with.

The other day I chatted with a female friend of mine who finds herself in a situation very similar to my own. Its funny how she deals with some of the same stuff that I deal with only she is on the opposite side of the matter. She has to deal with the guys who are playing the game and taking everything that they can get. I feel for her, and at the same time I am hoping that she finds a guy a lot like myself. Someone who will treat her with respect, want to do things with her, protect her, encourage her and serve her. Oh, and trust her and love her. There are times where I want to go find a girl like that and treat her right and there are other times that I just want to stay at home and do nothing. Well, I don't like staying at home, but I don't know what else to do. I'm on Match.com and I see lots of girls on there, but when you already like a girl it is hard to "go shopping" for another girl. Well, that's what it feels like, shopping the classifieds for a woman who has things in common with me.. I am so thankful to have friends who are girls, they are more fun to talk to then guys! I think I like a girl anyway, but its is far safer just to try to be her friend. I think that's my biggest problem today.. Its not that I am bored, its more that I don't understand some stuff. Like, should I make a change in my life, move away from my friends and family, and out of Minnesota? Its chilly outside today.. The Spring and Fall seasons can seem so long.. So warmer temps are sounding good right about now.. And if I were to choose to move, would it be for the wrong reasons? Who's to say if a reason is right or wrong. Would a move like that be "living with no regrets" or would be just be making a big mistake? I think I would rather live with a mistake rather then living with a regret. What did God tell me? Maybe I should ask him since I've spent all this time thinking about it and I haven't gotten anywhere doing it by myself...

Spring Cleaning..

I get into these spurts.. Like, one time I thought it would be fun to scrap book, but it only took about five pages to do my whole life.. Or the pictures that I had on hand anyway.. Today, I got into this cleaning spurt.. I'm not done yet but when I am finished I hope for my room to be really clean with an area in the middle big enough to do a swingout.. I think I might go get some filing cabinets or a book shelf, something that will allow me to better organize. Yesterday I picked up some filing boxes, the type with handles on them so they are pretty mobile. I actually bought two different types, one for personal files and one for military filing. My current method of filing is just throwing everything into my filing box, in an orderly fashion... But there are really old files in there that I don't need and it really isn't very organized. I guess part of my motivation to do this is because I had my room pretty clean when I left and I want to be organized. I want to know exactly where everything is and not waste time looking for things. I'm really good at keeping everything important but I'm pretty good at keeping everything that isn't important too... So then I have everything, but I don't need most of the stuff. Another thing that is motivating me is being able to move.. I haven't decided to move but I want to be flexible. I don't want to live is this house forever! I like it, but I want something more.. I do have it pretty good though, $300 a month plus utilities. I spend $300 staying in a hotel room for three days! I couldn't wait to get out of there, I can't justify spending that kind of money! I need to budget too. Now that I'm out of credit card debt and I could potentially be out of student loan debt, it is extremely important that I live within my means. Once I budge everything I have to make sure that I am putting money in savings. If you are not saving money then you are not living within your means...

I have a lot of stuff. I guess some of this is just in my blood. My dad has several cars, and a bone yard of old cars that still have lots of good "parts" on them. Does he need all those things? Well, no, but it is something of a hobby for him. In going through my stuff I have found things that I have collected with good intentions but then they have just sat around. I have to ask myself, "Am I really going to make another shirt for Rendezvous? I I really need all the boots that that Military has given me? Do I need 8 pairs of good jeans and 6 pair of play jeans?? I just have so much stuff. I'm not a hoarder like on those TV shows, thankfully.. My room can get messy but then I get into one of these spurts... Well, I have a hair cut scheduled for 3:00 so that gives me a drop dead time of 2:30... Its noon right now so I should be able to reorganize my room, unpack my bags (civilian and military), repack my military bag for this weekend, organize my military filing box, tidy up the rest of my room, go through my clothes and toss some of them and be ready to leave the house for my hair cut. Speaking of going through my clothes, a friend of mine told me that I could make a quilt out of my old T-shirts so that I am able to keep them around even though I won't be wearing them anymore.. I wish I had considered that last time I threw out like 10 T-shirts that I liked but didn't really wear anymore. I've never made a quilt but I think it sounds like a great idea... But then again, it kinda sounds like a good intention that might never happen. We will have to see what shirts I am considering throwing out..

Two bloggs in two days.. I need to get a job!!

Back in Minnesota.

Well, I'm back in Minnesota after spending about five months in Kentucky. I am going to miss my friends in Kentucky a lot! Sure, I have friends in MN but I seemed to really connect with a couple people in KY. The person I connected best with was Jonathan, he and I seemed to really understand each other. I think we are at similar points in our lives and we see the good in other people. He was so encouraging and always up for anything. I think our friendship would have continued to grow had I stayed there longer. I got close to a couple girls while I was there too, girls that were totally cool with just hanging out, I already miss them. It is friendships like that that I don't really have in MN. I guess I should hang out with my friends here more. I kinda want to move back there.. But it is feelings like these that will probably fade in time. If they don't fade then I can definitely see myself living in KY and visiting Minnesota from time to time. The weather here seems to be more consistent then KY. Sure we have our days where it is warm one day and literally freezing the next but they changes from the highs to lows are not as drastic as they are in KY. I think I would have to have working A/C if I were to live in KY. In MN, you really only miss A/C for a month or two and then it works great all winter (when you don't need it). Another thing that is really different in MN is the swing dancing scene. I went dancing last night to a live band and there were probably only about 30 people there but about half of them were as good or better then most of the swing dancers in Louisville.. But I'll take good friendships over good swing dancing any day!

Things on my to do list are: Go to the bank and deposit my tax returns, file for unemployment, unpack all my stuff, get ready for drill this weekend, look for a job and go to a Peter Strom swing dance lesson, probably pretty close to that order. I looked for a job last night but I don't really know what I want to do.. I applied for some HR jobs at Fort Knox and it would be a God send if I was given the opportunity to get a good job down there. There are a lot of bank here in the Metro area and I would like to work for Chase Bank because I have collected indirectly for them in the past and was really impressed by their company, but there are not many jobs with Chase here in MN.. Wells Fargo is always hiring but I don't really want to be a teller or a call center banker.. The call center hours are kinda demanding 9-6 and weekends.. Yeah, I don't really want to be married to my job, a life outside of work would be nice.. I am kinda unmotivated right now and I haven't really started looking yet. I think I'm going to try to borrow P90X from some of my friends, so I'm going to do that to try to get into shape! Well, I'm already in pretty good shape but I want to be in really good shape! Maybe I'll go for a run tomorrow, I don't really feel like it today.

Well, I should do something with my day. Maybe I'll play Angry Birds for a bit.. What an addicting game..

Its almost time to leave Kentucky.

I am going to graduate from Armor Basic Officer Leadership Course today.. I have a lot of thought running through my head.. Did I try as hard as I should have? I didn't get any awards, it would have been nice but did I really want an award? I will miss the friends that I have made while I have been down here, will I ever make it back? Did I say things that were better left unsaid? Is there someone out there for me or have I already met her? Will I find a good job once I get back? Will I find a job down here and move down here? What do I want in life? I've asked that before but maybe I don't really know what I want.. There are so many questions and so few answers..