Why

Where are things going? Why are things the way that they are? Why do I doubt myself? Am I in the right place? Am I looking for love in all the wrong places? Why do I feel lonely? Do others see me the way I see myself? If I feel like I want to get away will I find what I'm looking for when I get there? What am I looking for? Who am I looking for? Should I wait or should I pursue? What really matters in life? If I have a plan is it the right plan? If it is not the right plan how will I know if it doesn't work? When will it all make sense? Will it ever make sense? Are my answers to the questions the right answers? Does anyone really know me? Do I really know myself? Why isn't everything as easy as it seemed to be before? If things were easy before when did it change? If I don't have any regrets then why am I not where I thought I would be? Where did I think I would be? Where should I be? What am I doing with my life? What is life? What is right and what is wrong? Why are my answers not your answers? Do I really want an answer? What is love? What is acceptance? Is there compromise? What is compromise? What is happiness? What does it feel like? If I am successful will I consider it a success? Where will I be in a year? Where will I be in five or ten years? Will these thoughts be considered foolish? If I am doing what I enjoy why do I want more? Is there really a reason for everything? Is there something wrong? Why do I feel the way I feel? No response necessary...

Update on my life..

Well, a couple of things have changed since my last blog... I am still working at the collectiong company, and I actually made my goal this month.. In other news: I've since decided not to join the Army full time, instead I decided to go back to the National Guard and serve the country part time.. What it came down to is that I did not want to leave my family. If I had joined the Army I would have most likely been stationed in a state that was a couple days driving time away from MN. I really like MN, I like being around my family and friends and I like having four seasons where it snows in the winter and gets hot in the summer..

I have been swing dancing for over a year and a half now and I have really been enjoying it. I have been meeting people and have been improving as a dancer. I don't know it I will ever have a career in dancing but at this point I'm more then happy to give people free lessons and feed back on dancing. I am by no means an expert but I enjoy learning and I enjoy dancing. I will have to go away for the summer with the National Guard as I train to be an officer but I am anxious to go, I need the money and I think I will enjoy it.

The dance group that I am in is having try outs the month of March so I'm excited about that. I almost don't want to go but life is always changing and I've learned to better cope with these constant changes..

I'm still single but I enjoy my singleness. But being single, I have far more friends who are girls then I ever have had while dating. I think it is really neat how that works.. Over the past couple years I have learned how to be a friend and I am more of the "guy next door" that I always wanted to be. But the beauty of it is that I don't think I am trying to be someone who I am not.. Some of my friends who are girls could someday be more then "just friends" but most of my friendships will only be that, friendships. But these friendships are still super rewarding.

I have plans to hopefully deploy with the National Guard as an Officer on their next deployment. I am looking forward to leading soldiers and I should get paid well. I would like to purchase a house when I get back and hopefully by that time Polaris will be hiring so I could get a job there. We will see though, maybe God has other plans..