Do you every think what people will think about you after you are gone? Please do not think I am suicidal, I assure you I am not. I am just putting my thoughts onto paper. I do not know why I've been so drained lately. Well, there are probably a couple of reasons... But sometimes I take a step back and look at my life and wonder where it is going. I just found out that girl that I was somewhat interested in, in the last couple of months, is now engaged.. I was not close to her and our relationship did not go any further then one date (sort of) and hanging out a couple of times, but it I would consider it some type of relationship. I liked her, I still like her, she is a very nice girl, and I would still consider her a friend. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something wrong. Or maybe it is that I'm not doing anything right because the best thing you can be doing is nothing. So if the best thing to do is nothing (just trusting in God), then all this trying that I'm doing is the worst thing to do..
A wise woman once said,
"A word of wisdom to those who are where I was before, longing to BE loved. NEVER SETTLE. You know when you are even if you try to convince yourself you’re not. As hard as it can be at times, LISTEN to that still small voice telling you how you are worth so much more then what could be settled for.
The only way to begin allowing yourself to BE loved and to believe that you are worth more…. BELIEVE that God truly unconditionally loves you no matter what you do or have done…. HE LOVES YOU AMAZINGLY!"
I want to be loved and I could have settled in the past, but I didn't. But I don't always hear that small voice. I need to work of believing that I am worth more. I talk like I have confidence but I have a surprisingly low level of self esteem. My low level of self esteems allows me to feel beaten down when things don't seem to go the way I want them to.. I need God, I need to give Him my problems and I need to look to Him for strength and guidance. He is the ONLY answer to all of my problems.
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I'm sorry we've been a bit distant Trav, when you need friends the most. It's hard sometimes to see others clearly when your days away from being married to the love of your life. Wish we could give you more time. But perhaps things are exactly as they ought to be right now. I encourage you to give up and simply live loved. Call me whenever you want.
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