Contemplating Life

I deleted my last post, a friend of mine read it and was confused.. I was confused after I read it.. A lot of time when I blog I come to conclusions but with that one I was more confused after I got done with it then I was before I sat down at the computer. Do I always have things figured out? No, I don't. But no one likes to be confused..
I was feeling lonely today... I was walking up the stairs at home thinking, "Is this worth it...? Is life worth it??" Those thoughts seem like something someone would be saying to themselves when contemplating life.. I am not suicidal but sometimes I think it is good to just think about stuff. Like ask yourself if your life is going anywhere.. Maybe most people don't really think about that. I guess if you are goal orientated you are always looking ahead and reaching for something.. But what if you don't really have anything to look forward to? I guess I have things to look forward to like spending time with my friends or going swing dancing.. But you cannot hang out with your friends all the time and you can't swing dance non stop.. I think part of my problem could be how spiritually dead I feel at times.. Like I went all weekend not really thinking about God. I did not talk to Him and I did not praise Him.. And then there are those who don't even believe God exists.. I sometimes wonder how they don't feel lonely. Maybe they just fill themselves with knowledge.. If they know all the answers then they have everything figured out. I guess that goes back to me not knowing all the answers.
This morning I was sitting in my car before going to work. I was sitting there, not really feeling sorry for myself and not really trying to motivate myself, just sitting there thinking about how I was just feeling blagh, like nothingness.. I text-ed my friends, basically just looking for words of encouragement. I have heard that in relationships just knowing that you are loved or knowing that you have the support of someone else accounts for a lot. I know that my friends and family support me but I guess I was just wanting to hear it, a sort of pick me up.. I guess that's just the way I am.. But that's me looking for words of affirmation from other people. Why didn't I pray while I was sitting there in my car? Why didn't I ask God to go with me and why didn't I ask God to show me how much he loves me?? I belive he exists, why didn't I go to him?? Probably because I'm so used to trying to do everything on my own..
I talked to my friends today, that helped. I danced with several girls tonight too, but that didn't do much for my loneliness, I was still lonely on my drive home.. I saw a pretty girl at Cub tonight, I tried not to check her out.. Guys are so visually orientated. Then I was hoping that my wife would be attractive like that. No time line as far as that is concerned. I'm tired..