"I am coming back to the heart of worshing and its all about you, its all about you Jesus."

I know I just blogged like five minutes ago but I've been doing a lot of reflecting tonight. I guess that's what happens when you sit and think about your life and wonder about things. I came to the realization that I have been doing a lot of compromising the past couple of months.. Thankfully I have not compromised in areas like premarital sex or anything like that but I have been tempted.. A song just came to me, "I'm coming back to the heart of worship and its all about you, all about you Jesus." Reflecting on that thought, lately it has not been about Jesus, its been about Travis. And this feeling is empty. I want to live for something more then myself. At church last week the pastor was preaching out of Act's, one of my favorite books, his challenge to us as a congregation was to go and tell the world about the good news of Christ. Being raised in the church I know all of these things but I'm not living for Him. I think that has a lot to do with the pattern that I am in. I have this constant longing for female companionship but every time I become interested in someone I go running in that direction.. Why. Because I'm human I guess.. Maybe I don't have an answer for it. Okay, I don't have an answer for it. I am weak and its only when I realize this that I go running back to Christ. Its an up and down pattern. I need to stop compromising but the only way to do that is to focus on Jesus, not everything else that takes up my time from day to day. I need to make time for Jesus just like I make time for studying and swing dancing. It will take a conscious effort but I know that it will be rewarding. When I look back on my life I realize that the times that I have been most heart broken or sad it has only been my relationship with Jesus that has gotten me through those times. My family has been supportive and encouraging but when I have focused on Christ it has made the biggest difference. Once again, I find myself on the bottom looking up, not knowing where I am going to go or what I am going to do. My job ends in just over a month and I will have to live on savings but I believe that I am here for a reason. I believe that I am going through these trials so that I can once again realize that I am here because I have lost focus but at the same time I am right where I am supposed to be. And I find myself thanking God for everything that he has blessed me with. Everything.