Who is she?

I just got back from an awesome ski trip that I went on with some of my closest friends. I had an awesome time!! I told one of my friends that I have no idea where I would be without such good friends. I am so thankful for everything that I've been blessed with.

I am truely on God's time because I see things that other people have and am anxious for the time to come that I will have those things. I am not talking about wealth and the things of this world that so many people hold so closely, I am talking about the things that really matter. Sure, I will be thankful when God provides me with a job that I enjoy working, a job that I can give all the glory to Him but still feel fulfilled at the end of the day but that isn't really important in the grand scheme of things. The things that I feel are truely important are my family and the friendships that I share with other people.

The friendship that I am anxious to share is the one that I don't know has started yet. I see my friends, a newly engauged couple, and I am honored to share in their friendship together, but I am also anxious to have that type of frienship myself. In the past I have been in several relationships with girls where I thought that I was in it for the right reasons but now I have seen my friends and I see that they have something together that I have never had. They accept each other. I have thought of myself as an accepting person but now I see it on a whole different level. They are in love. My relationships never got far enough to be considered truely in love.

The friendships that I have shared with people over the past year have shown me what it really is to love someone. It starts by accepting them for who they are. Accepting them for what they have to offer and not longing for them to be someone or something that they are not. Who is that girl? The one who I will accept for who she is? Do I already know her? Whoever she is, I am anxious for the time when we will connect. When we will look into each others eyes and accept each other. But it will be so much more then that (I hope). I see my friends, I see how they are over joyed by the other persons company. They hold each other's heart in their hands but they care for each other more then they care for themselves. That's what the Bible says we ought to do for our mate, but to see it acted out helps make everything seem so much more believable.

I am glad that my past relationships ended as they did. There was one relationship where I could have married the girl but it would have been for all the wrong reasons. I want to marry for all the right reasons. God has shown me so much in the past year, I feel that I understand so much more about him and about myself, then I did before. I praise Him for showing me these things. And I praise Him for bringing me this far. I believe the reason I haven't had this type of relationship with anyone is because I have not been ready. I am still a work in progress.

I get attached to people too easily. My sister tells me that I try too hard. I need to just sit back a watch things as they unfold. Does that mean that I can't talk to people? I don't know what it means? If I'm sitting back and watching things as the unfold then why do I still get so lonley? Is that the devil talking when I start feeling sorry for myself? I guess that's another thing that God is showing me, why do I feel lonley if I still have Jesus? All relationships here on earth are temporary, the only relationship that I have that will never pass away is my relationship with God, he will never leave me and he accepts me for who I am!

Acceptance!! That is another thing that I have begun to come to grasps with!! God accepts me as a sinner and there is nothing I can do to "win" his favor back, I already have it!! I don't need anything in this life more then I need Him!! He is my friend and he is the one I can connect with on a level like no one else. He looks into my eyes and accepts me. He loves me and he has always been there waiting for me to accept Him back! He is the one that I've been waiting for my whole life. He thinks I'm funny and he appreciates my company! His relationship with me can be just like what I am seeing in my friends. I don't have to worry about what I look like when I see Him, he's just happy to see me or listen to me or spend time with me. He is my friend and it has taken me this long to understand that! Thank you God for being the one for me!!