Direction

I am an open book. I cannot hide my emotions. I guess I don't really try to hide my emotions unless I'm crying in a movie.. If the movie is good then I cry almost every time. My eyes tear up every time I watch my favorite "chick flick," a walk to remember.. I don't like it when people notice, especially girls. I feel vulnerable when someone notices and then I feel embarassed when they say something.

Not only do my emotions show through, I usually speak what is on my mind. I guess that's both good and bad, but that's why I guess I tell people that I appreciate them, stuff like that. But its good because then there usually isn't much confusion about what I am thinking or what I'm going through.

Right now I'm "going through" my options with my job. I mislead a potential customer on friday and it has really shaken me up. I hate misleading someone, I break their trust for me and that is the worst think I could do.. I feel so bad, I think I am going to apologize to her, it just isn't right, I gave into pressures. It is really effecting my motivation about this job and it has even given me nightmares...

Like I said, I'm an open book, but it is interesting when people notice that I'm not who I usually am. I was tired and sort of out of it the other night and one of my friends noticed. Actually a couple of my friends noticed. I need to think of code names for my friends (to protect their true identities yet still keep it interesting). Well, my friend Grover came over, he told me that he noticed that I wasn't the same. I guess I kinda just took it in stride saying, "yeah, I talked to a lady the other day and it bothered me, plus I haven't been making much money." He seemed to understand. But when I guy tells another guy something like that I guess you don't really talk about it too much.. I guess it kinda surprised me that he noticed. Anyway, we hung out, talk about guy stuff like girls, faith, religion, friends, and life. After we were done worknig on my car Grover and I went snowmobiling, we had a really good time.

I talked to another one of my friends this afternoon and she also commented that it seemed like something wasn't quite right. We'll call her Princess. Well, she also noticed that I didn't seem myself. Its kinda wierd when people say that but at the same time you don't really realize that people pick up on things like that. Well, we talked about it and the only advice that either one of us could really come to was asking God for comfort and direction. Our God is an awesome God! I guess I'm really just considering if this is where God wants me to be...

I have a couple of other friends, I'll think of their code names, some peole coud probably guess who each one is and if that is a problem just let me kow and from here on out I can just go back to calling them "he" and "she." Well, so far I have Grover, SP and Princess but I don't know about the last one... Well, we'll call her SS for Super Supportive. SS is one of the coolest girls I know. This got me into swing dancing and there have been many a Thursdays where all I wanted to do was dance with her because I knew that she would enjoy it. Not only would she enjoy it but she would be super encouraging and supportive!

I love my friends so much, when I get lonley I call them and they cheer me up. When I have a problem I talk to them and I am set at ease. When God is teaching me something I tell them and they encourage me. When I hang out with them I have a really good time!! I thank God all the time for the friends that he has blessed me with!